Heaven is Here

For mother's day this year. I asked for a book called Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson. My wonderful husband, therefore, got me the perfect mothers day gift. I got a copy of the book called Heaven is Here! I've been OBSESSED with reading it. I can't put it down. I love everything about the book.

I love how real it is. It's amazing how someone you don't know can make such an impact on your life. Because she is a member of the church I attend, I feel like I can relate so much more than I can to other authors. I was reading last night and couldn't help but think about my own children, how life would be without them. I think as a Mom it's easy to get caught up in the "what about me" mind set. I love my family and doing stuff for and with them, but I frequently think about what I need. I need: a nap, to sew something, a break, just a few minutes to myself. I sometimes feel like I "deserve" these things because I do so much other stuff. I know, it's totally lame and selfish, but I'm being honest here. In the few days that I've been reading her book I feel a change starting in my heart. I want to change, and be more selfless. My kids deserve everything I can give them in this world. Especially my time and dedication. Some of you may not know this, but during my pregnancy with Colson, I had some severe, hormone related anxiety/depression issues. It was the darkest time of my life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I started seeing the church counselor in our area. During one of our sessions, he showed me Stephanie Nielson's Mormon Message on LDS.org. It had a huge impact on my recovery and still does. I remember coming home and finding it on the computer to show to Daniel. There was a few things she said that made an impact on me at that time. She says at one point, that she prays, she gets answers, then she goes out and does it. She says she's not her body, which really resonated with me at the time because what I was experiencing was a result of having a mortal body that was subject to illness and pain. It really helped me realize that what my body was experiencing wasn't who I, Erin, was. I could let it define me and ruin my life or I could do what Stephanie did, pray, get answers, and do. I took courage in her story. My counselor talked about how courage was essentially the ability to endure with faith. That fear was the opposite of faith. I clung to that, it was my mantra when those fearful moments tried to creep in. I will have a special place in my heart for Stephanie Nielson forever, even though she doesn't know me. By hearing her story, seeing her faith and courage in the face of what probably seemed as completely crushing fear, gave me hope that I could do it too. After all, my pain and hardship were small in comparison to hers. Although they felt as though they were beyond my capacity to carry, I could do it by following her example. And now after reading her book, or I should say crying through her book, I feel a new determination to be a better mother and wife. My mom once said that women derive a lot of satisfaction from creating things. It's just in their nature. I always thought she was totally right. I derive so much satisfaction from sewing and crafting and making my home beautiful. But, now I'm starting to feel that satisfaction in creating children who love the Lord, have faith and courage, and know that their Mother would do anything for them. That is my new satisfaction. After all, we will know our kids forever as adults. But we only have a few short years to know them as children. And I'm not going to miss it by being caught up in what I need. I hope you all find time to read this book. It's amazing.