I just want to preface this by saying I'm not fishing for people to give me compliments or anything like that. I'm just wanting to post what's been on my mind lately.
I'm turning 31 this week. It's a little bit crazy to think about. I can't believe so much time has passed. My kids are getting so big and time is flying by. My little baby Sawyer is 4 months old. I love seeing him grow, but at the same time it kind of breaks my heart. He's just so dang cute. I love how soft his little hands are. I just don't know how that little boy could get any cuter.
With my birthday approaching, I've been thinking a lot about who I used to be and how I've changed. I'm a middle aged mom now. I look at my wedding picture and then at myself in the mirror and can't really see anything beautiful or lovely anymore. But as a feel a little sad and mourn for that girl that used to be there, everything between then and now has been totally worth it.
Yes, my body is pretty much ruined and not really nice to look at. But, it's that way after adding 4 little people to my life. None of which I would trade for the skinniest most perfect body.
Yes, you can see the dark circles under my eyes and the crows feet that are starting to show up from lack of sleep. But, it's from getting up and snuggling my babies at night which I LOVE.
Yes, I can get cranky. Really cranky. I get frustrated really easy and can lose my patience. But, knowing that my kids are learning right along with me during those times makes it all worth it. I especially get cranky when things don't go as I plan. Like when my husband is late getting home, I get cranky. But, I'm getting better.
So while I can't see anything lovely in myself, I'm grateful for a husband and children who do. I guess that's all that really matters. I used to be fit and energetic and now I'm over weight, exhausted and running from PTA meetings to playgroups. There are a lot of things that used to be different about me, but I'm grateful for the things that have come into my life that inspire me to do better and try harder. I've got a long ways to go, but I think I can make it with them by my side.
3 comments:
I think every mom can relate to this. Wee sacrifice a lot to give these little people life, structure, love... everything. As hard as it is, it's totally worth it. You're beautiful and happy birthday!!!
This was a great post! For what it's worth I totally lo up to you! I think you are a great mom and friend!!
Love it! I know how you feel! I might be the only old lady in the ward since you left :) It was fun to have someone my age :) Happy birthday!
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